It's coincidental that on Sunday I wrote on my blog about being polyamorous for the first time, only a few days before Tuesday's Dawn Porter programme about open relationships, free love and polyamory. I had looked forward to watching the programme. I had hoped I'd learn something from it and in one way I did. I learnt that being poly to me is not how Dawn's prog represented it.
Not that it was a bad programme. It was well made, Dawn was cool and I was interested in it. But to me it seemed to show the extremes of polyamory or maybe some of the extremes. I guess if Dawn, or any other documentary film maker, was making a programme about monogamy, it would likely show the extremes, or minority interests or activities of that too. A cynic might say that would make far better viewing than hum drum of ordinary everyday monogamy.
But I feel the programme was misleading. It didn't show how I imagine the majority of poly people live, day in, day out. There was little to suggest that being poly was anything other than being open for sex, with anyone, anytime! Of course there are going to be Poly people like this, just as there are mono peoplke too but it seems to me that this couldn't be further from the truth for many people, who are in committed or long term poly relationships - or maybe just happy with their situation the way it is.
As for me, my relationship is great fun and good. We are both enjoying it for what it is now - a 'young' secondary relationship. I feel happy about it being a secondary relationship. It suits my life and where am now and I have the utmost respect for his primary partner - who will always be prioritised above me, and rightly so. But when he's not around - the majority of the time - I'm not immediately looking for the next man or woman, or even men and women, to have sex with! It just isn't like that for me!
Apart from anything else, my life isn't only focused on being Poly. I engage with the world in many ways, all the time. Of course I wouldn't define myself as Poly if I didn't feel I wanted to have more than one lover in my life. But those people would be people I'd want to establish friendship and trust with. I'd want to build on that before knowing from my 'head' that I wanted to have the relationship my 'lusting heart' was wanting to have with them. I can see how the commune Dawn visited in Germany has some appeals, especially to an ageing hippy like myself, but it seems it wouldn't include engagement with the real world.
Such a specialist insular community like this is fine, but I guess for me (and no doubt other polys and monos), the idea is almost in opposition to ordinary local communities, for example, the majority of people who live on council estates, residential areas in villages, towns and cities, coming together and learning to accept each other and each others differences, and learning to live and share resources together, within the wider world.
That's the world I want to live in.
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