The future

It's funny how things change. I was just rereading a post I wrote in 2008 where I was 7 months into a 'new' relationship.

As these things have the habit of doing, it seemed like the perfect relationship then. He was Polyamourous, so was I - although I called it something like 'having an open relationships'. We had so much in common and to be able to communicate the way we did was a huge relief to me. I need to have a man (or woman) I can really talk with, who challenges me, yet hears when they listen and encourages me to be me, rather than wanting me to become a shadow of them.

All was good. I got on with his primary partner well.In essence the first 18 months were great. We had many lovely times. He was and remains a kind person. Then our relationship started to change.

I don't really understand how these things happen. I didn't notice the changes and was generally very happy. It's the kind of situation where things are happening and it's not until later the picture begins to make sense.

So we were going in opposite directions. He, I now understand, saw Poly as meaning having sexual experiences with any other women, poly or not, whenever, where ever. I on the other hand was looking at a different kind of poly, completely polarised to his view, where commitment, respect and honesty were the cornerstone to relationships.

For me this meant I had to end our relationship, which I did a few weeks ago. We both felt it would be good to remain friends and have done so, thus far.

I saw him for the first time since it ended a few days ago. It was really strange. LittleBoo was extremely pleased to see him and they spent a lot of time together, which was lovely. He kissed me and we hugged and he said how happy he was. Yet I felt very little.

So what happened? I just knew it was over and I couldn't be the kind of friend I have tried to be since the split. To change to being platonic friends is just not possible now, nor is anything else. I'm too angry and frustrated with his continual behaviour and focus/priority with sex. He has often claimed our relationship meant something of importance to him, but there is very little previous evidence of that.

Suffice to say the Aliboo has moved on. I tend to be quite slow at realising these things and then see it clearly. I spent time talking to his primary partner and explaining why I'd finished the relationship. It was good to talk and again recognise what a lovely woman she is.

So that's it, time to regroup and move on. It's good - for both of us.