March march and cuts.

The future is terrifying for disabled people. At times I think, it can't possibly be 'that' bad, but when I wake up, it's not a nightmare. It's real. This is what the Government is doing to our lives today, tomorrow - NOW. How are we supposed to live with the butchered mess of threats and reality of what they're doing? And it's oh so easy for them to do it. I listen and hear people who were once left wing, or even socialists before New Labour time, trying to justify, or rationalise these cuts away.

Disability is not a life choice. Being born with, or acquiring disabilities that impede on your ability to take part in society because of how society is organised, is not fun. Other people's projection and judgment of our potential and right to be part of some parts of society is not fun either. Of course we were always equal, yet for so long we've had to even fight about that. We're never been the same but we are equal.

My disability benefits mean I can live modestly, independently, in a society which I always believed wanted full integration of all people, in order for rich and vibrant communities to develop and grow. Now we're highlighted almost as criminals, who are unworthy and somehow have far too much of the high life for our own good. This of course is nonsense, but such ideas are one of the unsaid messages that come from the Government when they declare the reforming (cutting) of disability benefits.

The impact of such negativity on disabled people is yet to be documented, but I assume rates of disability hate crime will increase and disabled people will be come more of a target, for any political group to point the finger at. As for disabled people themselves, we're all different. Some of us may fight, loud and proud, some may want or have no choice but to stay in the background. And some will do both, dependent perhaps on their impairment, energy levels, support, and /or the ability to face yet another fight where we have to prove we're human to faceless beaureacrats, who believe that taking away, for example, the mobility component of DLA, is an OK thing to do for disabled people living in residential care. How does one begin to communicate with such people!

In the election it was the BNP that stated in their manifesto that disabled children would be taken out of mainstream schools and placed back in special schools, on the grounds that a) they would receive appropriate care, and b) the non disabled kids wouldn't have to suffer the lowering of their education standards any longer.

When I hear what the Government spews forth about disability, it sounds remarkably similar to the fascist arguements of the BNP. Unfortunately, in addition, it doesn't seem so far away from the German propoganda of the Useless Eaters of the 1930s too.

I am scared for us, obviously for myself and my disabled daughter. But my fear is larger than that. Disability has always been so individulised by the very nature of how society organises it. For us to come together and march is far more complex and demanding than any other group I can think of. There are many for who it's asking too much, in terms of pain management, dealing with fear, anxiety or panic attacks, coping with strict medication routines, to name but a few. For some, the lack of adult changing facilities or adequate places for tube feeds, means any outing becomes a major expedition, and the list goes on.

Personally, and feel free to call me a coward, I'm too scared of the mammouth crowds, not being able to see anything above the waist or chest of those in front of me, and being trapped and stampeded upon, or being dragged out of my wheelchair by some over zealous police officer. So I'm not going on the March march, or any other. I'm too vulnerable physically and couldn't do a damn thing to defend myself. I'm also too vulnerble from my mental health point of view too. My anxiety levels would shoot through the roof, just as much as my feeling safe levels would plummet to the sewers. It would feel chaotic and dangerous, and I'd likely have full blown panic attacks - which really wouldn't help anyone. So I feel grateful to all those non disabled people, who can go with ease and indebted to the disabled people who can go, like I used to be able to in the 80s when I was younger and my disability felt easier to deal with. Fight loud and strong. Enjoy.

However, I'm not doing nothing. I've decided to make sure that I let Downing Street know that I, and thousands of other disabled people, would have been there, but... They're not going to get away with thinking that we're unorganised, complacent, lazy, or don't give a damn. The message couldn't be any clearer to them, these cuts are just plain, short sighted and wrong. No humane society treats one of their most vulnerable, or perhaps the most vulnerable, group in such a way. There's no way we're going to be stripped of our selves, becoming non persons and left for the circling vultures to swoop and feed upon. I may not be going to the march, but my fight against this government is just as great as if I were there. Viva le revolution!