Hey!! My blog has developed!!! Ali Hayward's blog, 'The Life and Times of a Green Phoenix' had its last post today!
For my new blog Ali Hayward - the blog, click the link below:
http://alihaywardtheblog.blogspot.com/
Looking forward to seeing you there! (And when you get there, don't forget to click follow or bookmark me!)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
March march and cuts.
The future is terrifying for disabled people. At times I think, it can't possibly be 'that' bad, but when I wake up, it's not a nightmare. It's real. This is what the Government is doing to our lives today, tomorrow - NOW. How are we supposed to live with the butchered mess of threats and reality of what they're doing? And it's oh so easy for them to do it. I listen and hear people who were once left wing, or even socialists before New Labour time, trying to justify, or rationalise these cuts away.
Disability is not a life choice. Being born with, or acquiring disabilities that impede on your ability to take part in society because of how society is organised, is not fun. Other people's projection and judgment of our potential and right to be part of some parts of society is not fun either. Of course we were always equal, yet for so long we've had to even fight about that. We're never been the same but we are equal.
My disability benefits mean I can live modestly, independently, in a society which I always believed wanted full integration of all people, in order for rich and vibrant communities to develop and grow. Now we're highlighted almost as criminals, who are unworthy and somehow have far too much of the high life for our own good. This of course is nonsense, but such ideas are one of the unsaid messages that come from the Government when they declare the reforming (cutting) of disability benefits.
The impact of such negativity on disabled people is yet to be documented, but I assume rates of disability hate crime will increase and disabled people will be come more of a target, for any political group to point the finger at. As for disabled people themselves, we're all different. Some of us may fight, loud and proud, some may want or have no choice but to stay in the background. And some will do both, dependent perhaps on their impairment, energy levels, support, and /or the ability to face yet another fight where we have to prove we're human to faceless beaureacrats, who believe that taking away, for example, the mobility component of DLA, is an OK thing to do for disabled people living in residential care. How does one begin to communicate with such people!
In the election it was the BNP that stated in their manifesto that disabled children would be taken out of mainstream schools and placed back in special schools, on the grounds that a) they would receive appropriate care, and b) the non disabled kids wouldn't have to suffer the lowering of their education standards any longer.
When I hear what the Government spews forth about disability, it sounds remarkably similar to the fascist arguements of the BNP. Unfortunately, in addition, it doesn't seem so far away from the German propoganda of the Useless Eaters of the 1930s too.
I am scared for us, obviously for myself and my disabled daughter. But my fear is larger than that. Disability has always been so individulised by the very nature of how society organises it. For us to come together and march is far more complex and demanding than any other group I can think of. There are many for who it's asking too much, in terms of pain management, dealing with fear, anxiety or panic attacks, coping with strict medication routines, to name but a few. For some, the lack of adult changing facilities or adequate places for tube feeds, means any outing becomes a major expedition, and the list goes on.
Personally, and feel free to call me a coward, I'm too scared of the mammouth crowds, not being able to see anything above the waist or chest of those in front of me, and being trapped and stampeded upon, or being dragged out of my wheelchair by some over zealous police officer. So I'm not going on the March march, or any other. I'm too vulnerable physically and couldn't do a damn thing to defend myself. I'm also too vulnerble from my mental health point of view too. My anxiety levels would shoot through the roof, just as much as my feeling safe levels would plummet to the sewers. It would feel chaotic and dangerous, and I'd likely have full blown panic attacks - which really wouldn't help anyone. So I feel grateful to all those non disabled people, who can go with ease and indebted to the disabled people who can go, like I used to be able to in the 80s when I was younger and my disability felt easier to deal with. Fight loud and strong. Enjoy.
However, I'm not doing nothing. I've decided to make sure that I let Downing Street know that I, and thousands of other disabled people, would have been there, but... They're not going to get away with thinking that we're unorganised, complacent, lazy, or don't give a damn. The message couldn't be any clearer to them, these cuts are just plain, short sighted and wrong. No humane society treats one of their most vulnerable, or perhaps the most vulnerable, group in such a way. There's no way we're going to be stripped of our selves, becoming non persons and left for the circling vultures to swoop and feed upon. I may not be going to the march, but my fight against this government is just as great as if I were there. Viva le revolution!
Disability is not a life choice. Being born with, or acquiring disabilities that impede on your ability to take part in society because of how society is organised, is not fun. Other people's projection and judgment of our potential and right to be part of some parts of society is not fun either. Of course we were always equal, yet for so long we've had to even fight about that. We're never been the same but we are equal.
My disability benefits mean I can live modestly, independently, in a society which I always believed wanted full integration of all people, in order for rich and vibrant communities to develop and grow. Now we're highlighted almost as criminals, who are unworthy and somehow have far too much of the high life for our own good. This of course is nonsense, but such ideas are one of the unsaid messages that come from the Government when they declare the reforming (cutting) of disability benefits.
The impact of such negativity on disabled people is yet to be documented, but I assume rates of disability hate crime will increase and disabled people will be come more of a target, for any political group to point the finger at. As for disabled people themselves, we're all different. Some of us may fight, loud and proud, some may want or have no choice but to stay in the background. And some will do both, dependent perhaps on their impairment, energy levels, support, and /or the ability to face yet another fight where we have to prove we're human to faceless beaureacrats, who believe that taking away, for example, the mobility component of DLA, is an OK thing to do for disabled people living in residential care. How does one begin to communicate with such people!
In the election it was the BNP that stated in their manifesto that disabled children would be taken out of mainstream schools and placed back in special schools, on the grounds that a) they would receive appropriate care, and b) the non disabled kids wouldn't have to suffer the lowering of their education standards any longer.
When I hear what the Government spews forth about disability, it sounds remarkably similar to the fascist arguements of the BNP. Unfortunately, in addition, it doesn't seem so far away from the German propoganda of the Useless Eaters of the 1930s too.
I am scared for us, obviously for myself and my disabled daughter. But my fear is larger than that. Disability has always been so individulised by the very nature of how society organises it. For us to come together and march is far more complex and demanding than any other group I can think of. There are many for who it's asking too much, in terms of pain management, dealing with fear, anxiety or panic attacks, coping with strict medication routines, to name but a few. For some, the lack of adult changing facilities or adequate places for tube feeds, means any outing becomes a major expedition, and the list goes on.
Personally, and feel free to call me a coward, I'm too scared of the mammouth crowds, not being able to see anything above the waist or chest of those in front of me, and being trapped and stampeded upon, or being dragged out of my wheelchair by some over zealous police officer. So I'm not going on the March march, or any other. I'm too vulnerable physically and couldn't do a damn thing to defend myself. I'm also too vulnerble from my mental health point of view too. My anxiety levels would shoot through the roof, just as much as my feeling safe levels would plummet to the sewers. It would feel chaotic and dangerous, and I'd likely have full blown panic attacks - which really wouldn't help anyone. So I feel grateful to all those non disabled people, who can go with ease and indebted to the disabled people who can go, like I used to be able to in the 80s when I was younger and my disability felt easier to deal with. Fight loud and strong. Enjoy.
However, I'm not doing nothing. I've decided to make sure that I let Downing Street know that I, and thousands of other disabled people, would have been there, but... They're not going to get away with thinking that we're unorganised, complacent, lazy, or don't give a damn. The message couldn't be any clearer to them, these cuts are just plain, short sighted and wrong. No humane society treats one of their most vulnerable, or perhaps the most vulnerable, group in such a way. There's no way we're going to be stripped of our selves, becoming non persons and left for the circling vultures to swoop and feed upon. I may not be going to the march, but my fight against this government is just as great as if I were there. Viva le revolution!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
This Uni stuff.
I'm a mum first - there is no other choice for now. That's why I stay up until 4.30am or later, reading, revising or working on Uni stuff. So I could drop out, or give up. But then I'm a woman too. Uni is a process and not an event! As I go through it I begin to realise there is so much potential to reach for or grasp. If I didn't try, or didn't get Uni brain saturation, then I would be an unfulfilled woman and no doubt a pretty crap Mum.
I'm bound to have a major wobble now and again, like today - at times this Uni stuff is so hard to get your head round, it's scary and overwhelming. Being an undergrad in your 40's with kids, cats, rabbits and baggage is a bit like being an artist painting a picture with many of the colours needed missing..... the main one being 'time' - yet it's also an opportunity to mix what colours you do have and to maybe make some brand new colours. Or so I keep telling myself! ;-)
I'm bound to have a major wobble now and again, like today - at times this Uni stuff is so hard to get your head round, it's scary and overwhelming. Being an undergrad in your 40's with kids, cats, rabbits and baggage is a bit like being an artist painting a picture with many of the colours needed missing..... the main one being 'time' - yet it's also an opportunity to mix what colours you do have and to maybe make some brand new colours. Or so I keep telling myself! ;-)
Friday, December 10, 2010
Christmas pressies
Hiya,
If you get this email it's because I love you!! (read on it's not that corny honest!)
I'm not mean. I'm not selfish. I'm just getting by. I can't afford to buy presents for everyone without getting into debt. I can't afford to get into debt. So this year I'm concentrating on the kids. So please don't buy me a pressie, and should you wish to buy the kids something how about something small.
I'd much rather we spent some time together and ate mince pies, played board (bored!) games, go for a walk, cook a meal together, had a good natter, etc etc.
Please don't be offended by my email. I'm just realising how much stress money and Christmas has been making me feel and I'm really not good at coping with this kind of stress. Like everyone else I can't live beyond my means.
So please relax in knowing that you are important to me and I'm glad you're in my life - I just don't believe me getting into debt to buy you a pressie means I somehow love you more! I really look forward to seeing you over Christmas and the New Year.
Much love
Ali
If you get this email it's because I love you!! (read on it's not that corny honest!)
I'm not mean. I'm not selfish. I'm just getting by. I can't afford to buy presents for everyone without getting into debt. I can't afford to get into debt. So this year I'm concentrating on the kids. So please don't buy me a pressie, and should you wish to buy the kids something how about something small.
I'd much rather we spent some time together and ate mince pies, played board (bored!) games, go for a walk, cook a meal together, had a good natter, etc etc.
Please don't be offended by my email. I'm just realising how much stress money and Christmas has been making me feel and I'm really not good at coping with this kind of stress. Like everyone else I can't live beyond my means.
So please relax in knowing that you are important to me and I'm glad you're in my life - I just don't believe me getting into debt to buy you a pressie means I somehow love you more! I really look forward to seeing you over Christmas and the New Year.
Much love
Ali
Monday, November 22, 2010
Christmas hype moan
We went into to town this afternoon and unbeknown to me it was the Christmas light switching on ceremony. This was the exact opposite of what I was hoping for as it was noisy, packed with people, fair ground rides and food stalls. I had 80p in my purse! I had been hoping to find a quiet place to film an interview but even several hundred yards away from the happenings, the din, especially the buzz from the bass, intruded to ensure there wasn't anywhere quiet enough.
Then this evening, yet again I noticed how many ads there are on TV and on the internet for Christmas. They've been there for a while and I still find them so incredibly unnecessary and I'm cross that my kids see them and believe that they should receive so many high value pressies I just can't possibly afford.
There must be thousands and thousands of parents like me who are feeling pressurised by their kids to buy unaffordable presents by buying on cards, or mail order. I'm just not prepared to go in to debt for Christmas - where's the enjoyment in that?
I am pissed off that my kids are taken in by clever advertising and somehow believe that their lives will be better, cooler, smarter by owning the latest whatever. I'm equally pissed off that I'm feeling the pressure of it all, or rather allowing the pressure to get to me. And yet I can't bear the idea of disappointed faces on Christmas morning.
I've told them both that Christmas will be a scaled down affair. But we're still doing treat and fun things. On Christmas eve we're going to the pantomine. On Christmas Day we have lunch with my parents at a local hotel. On Boxing Day I'm hoping to take them to a carvery they both like. So at least the meals are sorted and whether I have a PA/carer or not, I'm not going to be exhausted preparing food and washing up!
Then they'll be loads of TV to watch. I might check out getting the movie channels for over the holidays. ANd we love playng Monopoly and those kind of games too. So I need to make sure we have loads of things to do that include them both but are free or cheap.
I'm not ashamed to try to live within my budget, but I know it's hard, especially when there is so much pressure to be this somehow perfect family, who have absolutely everythng, and want for nothing.
In absolute truth we want for nothing. We have a dry home with heating, food in our cupboards and fridge, season appropriate clothes. None of it's luxury but we have it and more. Yet the adverts tell us that to be the perfect, happy, healthy family we need 'stuff.' It's the 'stuff' that's the excess and not necessary. It's those things I don't want our Christmas to be focussed on. We may never be wealthy nor a perfect family but happiness and contentment come from within, and all the toys and gadgets in the world can never give us any of that.
Then this evening, yet again I noticed how many ads there are on TV and on the internet for Christmas. They've been there for a while and I still find them so incredibly unnecessary and I'm cross that my kids see them and believe that they should receive so many high value pressies I just can't possibly afford.
There must be thousands and thousands of parents like me who are feeling pressurised by their kids to buy unaffordable presents by buying on cards, or mail order. I'm just not prepared to go in to debt for Christmas - where's the enjoyment in that?
I am pissed off that my kids are taken in by clever advertising and somehow believe that their lives will be better, cooler, smarter by owning the latest whatever. I'm equally pissed off that I'm feeling the pressure of it all, or rather allowing the pressure to get to me. And yet I can't bear the idea of disappointed faces on Christmas morning.
I've told them both that Christmas will be a scaled down affair. But we're still doing treat and fun things. On Christmas eve we're going to the pantomine. On Christmas Day we have lunch with my parents at a local hotel. On Boxing Day I'm hoping to take them to a carvery they both like. So at least the meals are sorted and whether I have a PA/carer or not, I'm not going to be exhausted preparing food and washing up!
Then they'll be loads of TV to watch. I might check out getting the movie channels for over the holidays. ANd we love playng Monopoly and those kind of games too. So I need to make sure we have loads of things to do that include them both but are free or cheap.
I'm not ashamed to try to live within my budget, but I know it's hard, especially when there is so much pressure to be this somehow perfect family, who have absolutely everythng, and want for nothing.
In absolute truth we want for nothing. We have a dry home with heating, food in our cupboards and fridge, season appropriate clothes. None of it's luxury but we have it and more. Yet the adverts tell us that to be the perfect, happy, healthy family we need 'stuff.' It's the 'stuff' that's the excess and not necessary. It's those things I don't want our Christmas to be focussed on. We may never be wealthy nor a perfect family but happiness and contentment come from within, and all the toys and gadgets in the world can never give us any of that.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wet paint and cheap cord carpet.
TeenBoo has got a flat!! He was offered it from a social housing landlord earlier in the week and signed the papers a couple of days ago. It is a top floor flat (no lift) and has just had a new kitchen and bathroom fitted. Obviously I can't get to see it, but that's OK. He's already made a film of it for me.
He's been decorating it with friends today and went with his Grandpa to choose some cheap cord carpet. We persuaded him to have the whole place done in a tough new carpet that looked good, and then as things move on, he can change it if he wants to. It sounds like it's going to look good. He's chosen a blue colour for the floor and cream for the walls.
I've promised to buy him a sofa bed from Ikea (Thank God for the Ikea card!) and I'll hopefully get him some curtains or blinds too. No doubt they'll be other things! I've been collecting a few things for him over the last year too. For example, kettle, iron, slow cooker, sandwich toaster, duvet, bedding, etc etc.
I am pleased for him and he sounds excited about life. But I can't help thinking about how young he is. At least he's got somewhere safe to live and isn't going to be on the street, which would have upped the anti in terms of his experience of homelessness. Ironically, he's actually had one of the better experiences of being homeless. Yes there have been rough times, but at least no sleeping rough.
Hopefully the days and months ahead will help him move on from his homeless year to his new becoming settled life. Hopefully in the fullness of time, he and I will grow into a more healthy and happy relationship too.
He's been decorating it with friends today and went with his Grandpa to choose some cheap cord carpet. We persuaded him to have the whole place done in a tough new carpet that looked good, and then as things move on, he can change it if he wants to. It sounds like it's going to look good. He's chosen a blue colour for the floor and cream for the walls.
I've promised to buy him a sofa bed from Ikea (Thank God for the Ikea card!) and I'll hopefully get him some curtains or blinds too. No doubt they'll be other things! I've been collecting a few things for him over the last year too. For example, kettle, iron, slow cooker, sandwich toaster, duvet, bedding, etc etc.
I am pleased for him and he sounds excited about life. But I can't help thinking about how young he is. At least he's got somewhere safe to live and isn't going to be on the street, which would have upped the anti in terms of his experience of homelessness. Ironically, he's actually had one of the better experiences of being homeless. Yes there have been rough times, but at least no sleeping rough.
Hopefully the days and months ahead will help him move on from his homeless year to his new becoming settled life. Hopefully in the fullness of time, he and I will grow into a more healthy and happy relationship too.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Better Days.
The last few days have been a huge improvement compared to earlier in the week when things looked and felt bleak.
Depression is so insidious. It creeps in, on, under and round me before I realise it's taken an active hold again.
Thank goodness bad days don't seem to stay for weeks and months like they used to. Ironically, a positive of a bad day/s is the reminder of how bad things were and how generally, things are better.
Onwards...
Depression is so insidious. It creeps in, on, under and round me before I realise it's taken an active hold again.
Thank goodness bad days don't seem to stay for weeks and months like they used to. Ironically, a positive of a bad day/s is the reminder of how bad things were and how generally, things are better.
Onwards...
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